As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
