Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
