Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
it hurts more in the daytime
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
