Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize