He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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