He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
