i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
