how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
