1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
