meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
