we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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