the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
