The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
