I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
