respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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