I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
