My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Randomize
