Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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