i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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