I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
