just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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