Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize