are you so shy because you have an std?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He? As in you personified your dick?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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