I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
