Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
