wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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