Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize