she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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