I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
