Duck Duck Cougar?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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