You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
