drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
