i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
