You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
