people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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