She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just pee around me
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
