yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
