I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
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