I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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