The maid of honor just puked.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
