Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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