omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
