You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
