So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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