why didn't you poke me back
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
