Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
