U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
