so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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