you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
