i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
