I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
