i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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