If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
