dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
