I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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