my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
