sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize