The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
