wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
