That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
