I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
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