Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
