I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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