Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize