I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
