I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
