It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
