your thong is hanging out like whoa
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
