what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
