wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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