She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
