Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
