BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
