Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
