After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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