Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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