i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize