do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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