Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
