My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
