I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
