the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
