Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
