No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
