I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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