I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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