You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
where are my eyebrows?
ok first of all what the fuck
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize