We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
