Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
