can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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