When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My vagina is very pro this idea
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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