At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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