I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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