yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
