The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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