For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
