I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
